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Scooter, don’t waist your energy on impossible pursuits, like curing cancer or world peace. Dream smaller to dream bigger, son: become the first man to have a fully self-replenishing chocolate arm that one may cannibalize at will. It’s not only practical in a survival situation, but will make you very popular with the ladies.
Wynbrough Love, father, pragmatist, chocolate enthusiast.Posted on May 24, 2010 with 1 note
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Advice from a Father to a son: Change your name and pretend you never had aspirations. Become a disc jockey in your hometown and sleep with high school girls. Eat a lot of sausage and beer and accidentally start a couple of families you can’t support and get thrown in jail for student loan “evasion” and talk about how good you were in Hamlet to anyone who will listen and then have a motorscooter accident at 4am on I-94 just outside of Milwaukee by the Girl Scout Headquarters and live the rest of your life painting frogs in a mental hospital for the criminally insane and sell pictures of your fat hairy *ss on the internet while covering yourself in beans for 72 hours and calling it some sort of world record.
Sheb Shebberson, Sage, Baked Bean Submersion World Record HolderPosted on February 22, 2010
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I think it’s time you ponied up and took that bull by the horns and seized that magic midget in the sky you’ve so gingerly avoided becoming emotionally invested in. Life is too short to let fleece-lined felt-muffs just sit in a drawer all winter while your fingers crack and bleed like an aging concubine with advanced syphilis. Enough is enough: get off your duff and conquer your fears of the night, ride into the great dust bowl with an inadequate supply of water in a cantene lined with lead paint.
Walt Pitz, Glue ConnoisseurPosted on February 22, 2010
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